Motherhood and Anxiety: Why they go hand in hand


Motherhood and Anxiety: Why they go hand in hand

In my 34 years of working with children Mothers have always felt comfortable with me to talk about their concerns and worries. Part of it is that  they know I will really listen to them with compassion. But they also just need reassurance that they are doing a good job and that the kids are doing well.

I always say that asking a Mother not to worry is like asking the ocean to stop making waves. It is impossible. It is just part of the job that no one tells you about.

I have noticed is the dramatic increase of worry and anxiety. Especially over the last 20 years. Woman putting an extreme amount of pressure on themselves to be the perfect parent. Trying to balance work and parenting and excelling at both simultaneously. But always feel like there falling short then endlessly beating themselves up. If they succeed at work, they feel like there failing at parenting. If they have a win at parenting, then work suffers. It is an endless cycle that only leads to increased anxiety, tremendous guilt, and sleepless nights. It is impossible to keep going like this and stay sane.

What does not help is the lack of support from other Mom’s. Let us say that your son is in second grade and is really struggling with reading. But over the year he really starts to improve, and you see that he is gaining confidence. You are so proud you could burst. You go to pick up the him up from school and while you are waiting you chat up another Mom and tell her how proud you are. The other Mom’s response is, ”My child is reading at a 5th grade level”. This derogatory statement knocks the wind out of your sails and you immediately start to worry that your child is not doing well. That if only you were a better Mom your son would be reading at a 5th grade level too. Really what is going on is that this is a Mean Mom. Like the classic mean girl who grows up and only feels good about herself if she is putting someone else down(stay away from these women they are vipers in yoga pants waiting to strike).

There is no easy answer of what to do with all this worry, anxiety, and self-doubt. I continually just reassure them that their child is fine. Every child is unique. They learn at their own speed and everyone has different strengths. That with practice they will get better at the things that need improvement. All I know for sure is that trying to be perfect does not work. You cannot keep this cycle up. Something will have to give. And if you are completely drained you are no good to yourself or your kids. Learning self-care is essential to managing stress and anxiety. Developing a regular exercise routine. Taking the time to do things that you find relaxing. Challenging yourself  to learn something new. Trying something that you have always wanted to do but never took the time to do it. Coming up with a strategy to quite the negative self-talk. Doing these things is not selfish or make you a bad Mom for taking time for yourself. They are essential to being a good Mom. And being your own best friend.

If you ever need a compassionate ear please feel free to contact me for a complimentary session at empoweringyourpath@gmail.com

Visit my site at empowering-your-path.com



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